Those days..

I hate how I hate you when you do something I hate..

I hate the fear, I hate how I want to push you away,but when Im  close to losing you the anxiety takes over. Its crushing my chest, it sqeezes the air out of my lungs, and it make my heart race like it is in a hurry to beat for the last time. It numbs my body and it make me feel that living without you would be the hardest thing in the world. The thought of never feeling your arms around me, never feeling your lips against mine, never hear your voice whisper my name is the saddest thing in the world.It makes my soul cringe, makes my skin ache, clouds up my vision and it weakens my mind.  

Your presence in my  life is like a drug to me,not having you makes me feel physically sick.

Those days we fight, I feel like a vampire. I want to hide from the world, I want the sun to disappear and I want to shut the blinds and live in darkness. I feel detached from the world, breathing, walking, excisting , but nevertheless as dead as I can be without being 6 feet under. There is no joy, no laughter, no happiness, only endless time that makes up the hours until I see you then we cry, kiss and make up. I hate those days, and I hate you those days, but I still love you and tomorrow is another day